So tell me, why is it that when you’re already running late, every single tiny little thing that could possibly happen to make you even later does in fact happen, and happen easily might I add, like it was no trouble at all?

My family and I we’re due to leave a little after 9:00am to drive to Glen Innes, our usual family camping spot. It’s around 6 hours drive, so the plan was to leave straight after breakfast.

 On this particular morning I was up, packed and ready to go by 8:30am. Now if you know me then you would know that I am never ready on time, let alone before the rest of the family, so it was nothing short of a miracle and a definate first for me. This so called miracle however, it didn’t take long before it turned itself into a disaster.

 Well, maybe not so much a disaster, but the ‘usual outcome’ for me – extremely late.

 It was about the time I sat down for breakfast that the disaster started. My eyes quickly strayed from my cereal bowl and I noticed the specials catalogues sitting on the end of the table. Now, just so you know, the junk mail is quite possibly my favourite part of the entire week. In fact, after doing a letter box drop a few weeks back, I was completely astounded to discover that some people request not to have junk mail delivered to their letterbox. I almost felt sorry for them actually. What a sad, sad life, to never receive junk mail. If anything, people should ask for more junk mail, double, triple even, but none, that was something I couldn’t understand.

 So as you can imagine with my extreme love of junk mail and a table full of specials, it didn’t take long before I realised that there were far too many items I needed and that they were far too tempting to leave behind for a whole week. Just like that, I decided that with my spare 30 minutes, I needed to visit the shopping centre.

 The plan was to race in, find what we needed and race home again, we even had a game plan already worked out. We’d park at the Big W end first, quickly go to the dvd section, find the Vampire Diaries Season 1 & 2, find a third dvd so that we could get one for free and out we would go. We would quickly drive back to the Kmart end, find my giraffe pillow and then we would head home. Then maybe, just maybe, if we were super quick we could stop in at Valleygirl and take my shoes back. Only if we had time though, of course.

The plan was fool proof, or so we thought.

 1. A complete lack of staff at the serving counter had us waiting for over 20 minutes. So just like that, our quick trip to the dvd section of Big W set us behind right from the word go. Definately not a good start to the ‘Game Plan’.

2. The item we came for was nowhere to be seen. It was displayed quite clearly in the catalogue, but was obviously playing hide and seek on the shelves.

3. The sale price was in fact a trick and did not apply to the items we came specifically to buy. So after a good 10 minutes of searching for dvds that were on sale, we failed to find one that we wanted and ended up paying full price.

4. Every staff member we asked for assistance went on to tell us to look in completely different sections of the store, none of which had what we were looking for.

It didn’t take long before our quick trip had turned into a wild goose chase.

5. The item we were looking for was in fact still boxed up out the back and not in the seven other aisles that we were sent to. Note: Staff members, if you’re going to advertise a product on sale then atleast put the product on the shelves.

6. Finally, by some miracle, we had found and paid for everything that we’d been searching for and we were on our way home – only an hour late might I add.

Now, one last decision: do we choose left or do we choose right?

7. Just for the record, next time don’t choose left. It is definately not quicker.

8. The ‘quicker’ way not only had roadworks at 9:30am, but it also had a giant water truck who felt the need to do 20km in a 70km zone, watering random area’s of the footpath as he went and going by his watering skills, the driver clearly never learnt to colour between the lines in preschool. It was not pretty.

So in hindsight, taking the left turn was a terrible decision.

Arrival time back at home, 10:03am.

Mission: Failed.

Really though, considering I can’t even shower myself and be dressed in half an hour on a good day, this whole adventure was never really even a possibility. Not in half an hour anyway. Not only that though, nothing I do is ever on time. I don’t own a watch and I don’t check the clock. I have no concept of time and I am completely unorganised. I think that I am doing well, time wise, only to find that there are still a million and one things left to do and there is no way it can be done on time.

Really, I’m just a nightmare to go anywhere with, because at the end of the day it’s a certainty that I will be late. Not on purpose though, not at all. If you were to ask me, I would tell you that I was going as fast as I can every single time, and considering I am late every single time, as much as my Mumma would disagree, I really am starting to think that maybe it is the truth. Maybe some people are born to live by the clock and others are born not too?

I mean, you wouldn’t yell at a snail for taking too long to get somewhere, because at the end of the day a snail is a snail and it goes as fast as it can. So next time, if it just so happens that I’m late or extremely far from being on time, don’t point out the clock to me and don’t buy me a watch. Just smile and think of me as the snail, because even if it doesn’t seem like it, I promise you that I will be going as fast as I can.