Last night Mumma and I went to my very first male tease show; ‘Sydney Hot Shots’ and all I can say is that it was an experience.

Even now I’m still not quite sure whether it was an impressive experience or whether it was more of a disappointment, but I do know that they made me laugh, a lot. Which considering their physical appearance didn’t quite live up to my expectations, was probably rather lucky. After all, they had to have something going for them, right?

Mind you even if they were slightly attractive, the whole over confidence vibe they had going on would have quickly outweighed any positives. Don’t get me wrong though, they weren’t horrible, it’s just forty year old men with a hint of toning over their well conditioned beer bellies isn’t really my thing, but then again, there were quite a few older ladies who going by the screams they were letting out for most of the night, clearly didn’t mind the look they had going on.

My opinion though, it had probably been quite a while. Trust me.

Now going by the overall attitude of the boys on the night, I’m guessing that wasn’t exactly the demographic audience that they were going for. So in saying that, I’m willing to give them a few pointers for their next show.

Firstly boys, if you’re going to strut around a stage like you’re Gods gift to women, you actually need to be impressive. The fact that you already impress yourself is not why people pay money to watch you. Remember, it’s actually an audience of women that you’re performing infront of, not a mirror.

Secondly, if you’re going to take your clothes off in front of a room full of middle aged women, odds are they are going to scream whether you’re worth screaming for or not. Don’t take it personally, your ego does not need another boost.

Thirdly, if you’re going to dance around a stage dressed in fancy little costumes, atleast try and make them good costumes and not the cheap, nasty, sex store kind. Also, while we’re on the topic, if you’re going to dance around a stage at all, you might want to learn how to dance first. Yes Mr. ‘I’m only just learning but my god am I hot’, I’m talking to you.

Lastly, it is extremely bad manners to tell everyone it will only be a fifteen minute wait for photos to be signed and then leaving them wait for over an hour. So when you finally do decide to come out and sign photos, the least you could do is apologise and pretend to be enthused.

Also, considering you came out to sign photos, it is probably more important to have a pen in hand rather than sunglasses on your head. You’re inside and it’s night time, that just makes you just look like an idiot. Oh, and for the record, on the off chance that you do remember to bring a pen, a whiteboard marker is not going to stay on a gloss photo.

Use your brain.

However, in saying all of this, after the show Mumma and I came home and checked their website and it appears that we were sent the ‘seconds’ of their male performance group for the evening. So to all those girls out there reading this, don’t let the finer details of my experience turn you off the idea of going to your own male show, because on the off chance that you see a performance with the boys who aren’t on the ‘seconds’ list, then I am certain you wouldn’t be complaining.

On the plus side, at least Matilda wasn’t the only one who saw half naked men this week. Although I’m not going to lie, she did seem a little more impressed by the idea than Mumma and I were.