Right now, in this very moment, I don’t think I could even begin to express how I’m feeling. Partly because for the first time in a really, really long time, I don’t actually know how to feel and partly because even if I did, I would have absolutely no idea where to begin.
To sum it all up, basically my whole world has just been completely turned upside down. Not quite in the same way that it was three years ago, but upside down nonetheless. I suppose you could probably say that it’s more of a ‘turned back the way that it was before’ kind of situation, which considering I’m only now just beginning to feel comfortable in my own little world again, means that we are back to square one; upside down.
After countless years of having the most limited diet of anyone that I know, a recent food intolerance test has determined that now, my diet is in fact not limited at all.
Three years ago the results of this very same test stated that my future was to include a diet free of all gluten, wheat, dairy, soy, eggs and nuts; indefinately. A result that as you can imagine, took quite some time to come to terms with. Now however, after a seemingly never ending medical journey, it would seem that we have finally had some success. According to the most recent results, whilst banana, pineapple, cranberries and almonds are to be avoided; gluten, wheat, dairy, soy and eggs are now all very much an option. An extremely confusing option that I still can’t quite wrap my head around.
For the rest of the world, I’m sure news of this magnitude would be worthy of a celebration like no other and chances are, if we were to have this very same conversation a week from now, I would probably agree with you wholeheartedly. However right now, it’s all just a little bit too much to handle.
Although I had of course always hoped that fixing my ‘leaky gut’ as countless doctors so eloquently put it, along with my endless other tummy issues, would somehow, someday, result in a reversal of my endless food intolerances, I never in a million years expected for that someday to arrive so soon. Yet here I am now, staring at a piece of paper that has completely thrown my world into a spin.
Right now I feel as though someone has picked up the giant bubble that I have been living in for the past three years and thrown it into the deepest of oceans and well, as luck would have it, it just so happened to pop on impact. So here I am now, floating in unfamiliar waters with absolutely no idea which direction to begin swimming in first.
For safety reasons, rather than confusing myself further, I have decided that the best option would be to lay on my back and try my best to float with the stream for a little while, just until I can clear my thoughts. Maybe then this deep, dark ocean won’t seem so terrifying. Maybe then I’ll feel brave enough to take my first step towards this brand new and wonderfully exciting adventure.