As we find ourselves facing different situations throughout the course of our lives, it becomes almost second nature for us to develop expectations. Expectations which more often than not, are a direct result of our past experiences.

With that being said, it was no surprise that my expectations heading into my very first baseball training in over three years, became one of overwhelming uncertainty. Given my current track record of ‘one step forward, three steps back’ I suppose you could say that I was beginning to question just what I had gotten myself into.

I am proudly pleased to say however, that for one of the very first times on this seemingly never ending rollercoaster of a ride, that I have managed to surprise myself in the best way possible.

Not only did I calmly pace myself in a way that allowed me to last the entire length of the training session; excluding of course the small piece that I may or may not have missed due to my lack of time management skills, but despite not actually participating in every single activity, there was not a single moment during the course of the night where I felt even slightly like an outsider. Something that I never for a moment expected to experience so early on in the season.

More importantly though was the fact that almost miraculously, I managed to achieve something that to be perfectly honest, I had already deemed ‘near impossible’ at this current stage of my recovery.

Now while it may come as no secret that for the past few months I have been spending every off week doing light training with my stud of a boyfriend; training where for a reason unbeknownst to me throwing had continued to remain the top priority, Jasper had not quite made his way out of retirement and into the picture until of course, tonight.

Tonight, for the first time in three very long years, I found myself stepping back up to the plate and overlooking my field of dreams. However unlike my previous ‘at home sessions’ this time the pitches that were about to be thrown weren’t just wiffle balls and this time, I wasn’t just holding a plastic bat. This time it was the real deal.

As expected with a tummy full of butterflies, the very first pitch over the plate I of course somewhat gracefully, swung and missed. The second pitch however, was a completely different story. With every ounce of energy that I had left, I smiled, braced myself and again I swung, hoping for the best and this time that is exactly what I got.

This time, not only did the ball not end up somewhere close to the back net, but instead it rather happily made its way out onto the infield. An outcome that considering I had my doubts about my ability to even swing the bat, I never for a moment expected.

Coincidently enough however, just like the second pitch across the plate that night; the third, the fourth, the fifth, the sixth, the seventh, the eighth, the ninth and I believe even the tenth also managed to make contact with my bat and surprisingly enough, flutter their way out onto the field.

As you can imagine the smile was instantaneous and just like that, in the space of one single evening, my least favourite aspect of the game three years ago had ironically just become my favourite and while this may have only been the first training session of many, I can say with absolute certainty that I am now more excited than ever.

Now, not only do I have my two favourite boys right there beside me, but after tonight I have a newly discovered and quietly beautiful sense of confidence that just between you and me, has been missing for far, far too long.