A few weeks ago I stumbled across a definition that ironically enough, described a rather large aspect of my personality somewhat perfectly. A definition that thankfully, has given me the courage to do something that I have been unable to do for far, far too long.
“Finifugal: hating endings; of someone who tries to avoid or prolong the final moments of a story, relationship or some other journey.”
For as long as I can remember I have been holding onto something that to be quite honest, was lost almost a lifetime ago. Something that I have spent years hopelessly trying to fix and yet each time the outcome remains the same. Not a single thing changes and I am the one who is yet again, left trying to put the pieces back together.
In theory I suppose you’re probably thinking that it should come as no surprise. Logically speaking, it’s impossible to hold onto something when the other party involved has already chosen to let go. Unfortunately however, my mind has never been one of logic and in this case, it was never quite that simple.
For as long as I can remember I have been an optimist who time and time again has held out hope for a miracle, regardless of the odds. A miracle that I have only just realised is never actually going to happen. So, for quite possibly the first time in history the logical side of my brain appears to have won and while as you can imagine, the outcome is not quite what I had hoped, it has been a long time coming to say the least.
After almost a lifetime of fighting against the inevitable; I have finally given in, I have finally let go and I have finally walked away and although I would be lying if I said it were in any way easy, the truth is that it’s for the best.
It may have taken me a little longer than most, but I think I have finally realised that maybe I was wrong. Although there will always be countless memories to treasure, maybe life never planned for new ones to take their place. Maybe we had our time and now that time is up and maybe that’s okay. Maybe some people are destined to stay in our lives and some people are destined to leave and if and when the time comes that those people choose to walk away, for the sake of our own happiness, maybe the best thing we can do is to let them.