It’s ironic really, that the greatest factor in how we react to time just so happens to be time itself. One minute we’re barely twelve years old, anxiously waiting for the clock to strike 3 o’clock, desperate for life to begin and then all of a sudden we blink and there we are, frantically begging life to slow down.
It should come as no surprise that currently, I am experiencing the latter.
For as long as I can remember I have absolutely adored New Years Eve. Not just for its excessive celebrations, but for everything that it stands for; for the new beginnings, the new adventures and the endless new memories. Only this time around, if I were being honest, it seems to be missing a little bit of sparkle.
You see, this year; while I gained a brand new, beautiful little blessing of my own who I love more than life itself, I also lost one of life’s greatest in the process and while I watched as that brand new little bundle of beginnings splashed the world with colour, I also wept as those very same colours first faded to black and white. While I had my heart filled with more love than I could even begin to imagine, I also had it shatter into a million tiny pieces and despite having a beautiful, blue eyed baby girl who puts those pieces back together on a daily basis, without even realising, there will always be that one piece missing.
You see, 2015 was both the absolute best and the absolute worst year of my life all rolled into one, and while I want nothing more than to start 2016 with an endless string of beautiful memories, the truth is, I’m terrified to close a chapter that holds so much of my heart. I’m terrified that already, an entire year has passed without having heard his voice and I’m terrified that if I blink, it will have been an entire lifetime. I’m terrified of life moving on without him and I’m terrified of the countless milestones that he’s going to miss and yet still, it seems to happen anyway.
You see the truth is, I’m not ready to let go any more than I already have and honestly, I don’t know if I ever will be and the concept of a brand new year knocking right at my doorstep makes that very, very apparent.
Luckily though, for the most part, I have more than enough Angels here on earth for the smiles to overshadow the tears and on the days where that is not quite the case, I just close my eyes and remember our greatest Angel of all. The one who I am certain would be wishing for life to go on just as it always did; one day at a time, and so Dadda, for you, that is exactly what we will do.
2016; a year of treasured moments and brand new memories, one day at a time.